ベル物 (bell) ([info]usomitai) wrote,
@ 2003-06-27 18:15:00
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Current music:sailor myu: ii ko wa yameta (AARGH)
Entry tags:anime: princess tutu, fic

Princess Tutu; Entertaining the Old Man
Ah, Princess Tutu. If only I could give you deserve! This'll have to do. I'm not quite where where it came from, but.. I DO know that Drosselmeyer (and not to mention Lilie) creep me out because, in all honestly, he's no worse than us, the viewer. Sometimes I want to beat him for treating the characters the way that he does, other times I want to thank him for the story. Thankfully none of them actually exist!

Again, a very short piece. It goes without saying that suggestions will be fully appreciated. It's far from perfect, and I'd like to shape it up into the best that I can. That's why I'm posting it here, after all. :D

---------


Ah, but an old man gets bored with all his puppets asleep and nobody to entertain him.

Wake up, Drosselmeyer said to Mytho. Dance for me.

Mytho's eyes jerked opened. In truth he needed not sleep. When it grew dark he obediently laid in his bed, closed his eyes, and turned off his consciousness. But only because Fakir made such a fuss over it. Sleep, awake, it made no difference to him. He felt nothing either way.

If Mytho wondered why his bedroom had been replaced with the ruin site of an ancient Greek structure he did not ask. He merely rose to his feet and began to dance.

Drosselmeyer rocked back and forth on his rocking chair, content. Nothing was better than a good story, true, but sometimes physical poetry was so much more relaxing. Particularly the prince's. Fakir was lovely for his emotionally intensive movements, making him someone Drosselmeyer watched when he was in the mood for a stomach-ache. (All that frowning and sweating agitated him. It made him want to throw a tomato or two at the boy. It's just a dance! Don't pull your life conflicts into it. Life is a joke, relax already. Not that he really had any right to criticize Fakir's personality seeing how he himself had created it.)

Mytho threw a look at Drosselmeyer; would you like to dance with me? Everyone else does. Drosselmeyer waved him away, no, no, I'm not just old, I'm dead, if I were up to running and jumping and cart wheeling I wouldn't have all you puppets to keep me entertained, now would I? Puppet prince shrugged, almost as if to say, your loss, but of course the shrug meant no such thing. Mytho couldn't care less either way.

No music played. Music served as Mytho's cues as to where to start and stop. Without it he was set on infinite loop. Where his energy came from is a mystery (and, as Drosselmeyer would chuckle if asked, aren't mysteries what makes a story interesting?) but whatever it was he seemed to have an unlimited supply. If you do not draw from life you cannot exhaust the source.

For a puppet he moved with surprising fluidity. Perhaps it's because Drosselmeyer didn't pull on his strings, per say, more like imbued commands into his head, commands that revived old memories. Mytho's dance was based on a faded memory. The body never truly forgets what was ingrained onto it. Thus Mytho knew his steps perfectly, but without a soul to fill the dance, it was lifeless. Like his eyes.

You were never my favorite, Drosselmeyer told Mytho. There's scores of characters I like better than you-- there's that witty cat in boots, for one. Always good for a laugh. You're not even my favorite from my own stories. You were just too perfect. Who's going to like a prince that's all strong, all loving, all sacrificing? No reader can sympathize with a flawless being. I'm glad I died while writing your story. It finally stripped you of that annoying perfectness.

Mytho was undisturbed by these revelations. It is impossible to hurt feelings that do not exist.

No, mused Drosselmeyer further, you weren't the interesting one. You're a smidgeon bit interesting now, puppet that you are, but the ones that are really bringing the story to life is are all those other characters. How they go insane over you! The lengths they'll go to have you as theirs! That's the advantage of a perfect character-- it inspires the others to do so much more. They all want the same thing, you know-- you. Heaven knows why. What can you do with a mute pretty toy aside from watch it?

At this Drosselmeyer laughed openly. Look at me, watching you. I'm no better than those characters I made up!

Mytho went on dancing to the tunes of Drosselmeyer's ramblings.



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[info]briar_pipe
2003-06-27 07:17 pm UTC (link)
Wow, that was almost as f*cked up as the series itself! Congratulations on capturing the mood.

That's the advantage of a perfect character-- it inspires the others to do so much more.

That's it! That's precisely it!
But Drosselmeyer still freaks me out.

Grammar notes:
Sleep, awake, it made no difference to him.

This seems awkward. "Sleep" and "awake" don't seem to be true grammatic equivalents. Maybe "sleeping" or "waking"?

Also, "Music served as Mytho's cues" should probably be "cue", to be technically correct.

Also, it might be more gut-pleasing to describe a few of Mytho's dance moves. His leaps were particularly pretty, weren't they? Do you know any ballet terms you could play with?

But that's just an extra.

Anyway, your Drosselmeyer was creepy, your Mytho disturbing, and your fic lovely! Are you going to do any Fakir? Pwetty pwease?

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[info]nyahnyah
2003-06-28 08:25 am UTC (link)
Yay~! Thanks so much. As always, you're a complete darling. I really appreciate this. <3

But Drosselmeyer still freaks me out.
How can have the right to hate him, or Lilie, if in the end I'm no better than he? ;_; "Oh, poor characters! Can't wait to see how they get over it. Throw suffering their way for my own amusement!"

Maybe "sleeping" or "waking"?
I was having problems phrasing that; of course the solution would turn out to be so simple. ^_^

Also, it might be more gut-pleasing to describe a few of Mytho's dance moves.
Meichan, you shame me. *shamed* I didn't write any dancing because I know NOTHING on the subject. But considering um, how essential it is here, laziness is no excuse. I'll do a bit more research on the matter. Now I can use all those ballet links I bookmarked. :D

Are you going to do any Fakir?
*looks over at Fakir*
Fakir: NO.
Me: Why not? ;_;
Fakir: I've heard the things you want to do to me. And you refer to me as 'squooshy.' NO.

He's stubborn. >_>

*goes to change fic*

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[info]nyonyo
2003-06-27 10:33 pm UTC (link)
*GLOMP* LOVE.

Quick nitpicks:

Mytho's eyes jerked opened. - Jerked open?

aren't mysteries what makes a story interesting - "make" a story interesting?

story to life is are all those other characters - No "is".


Drosselmeyer is suitably creepy. I kept hearing him fufufuing through this entire piece. :D And of course, it's fun having Mute's boring perfection noted. Sparkle. Write more~!

(I forced my friend to sit through Princess Tutu this week, and through the entire thing, I kept cackling in my very best (i.e. BAD) Drosselmeyer imitation, "FUFUFU. PURINSESU CHUCHUUUU~!" Ended up with strange Utena crossover thoughts: what if Ahiru was a monkey-mouse instead of a duck?)

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[info]nyahnyah
2003-06-28 08:25 am UTC (link)
Nooo~, Glomp love YOU. >D Stupid, dumb grammatical errors! Thank you SO much. *heartheart* I'll fix those mistakes right up.

Ahiru as a monkey-mouse? If she ran around running saying "chuuchuu~!" I wouldn't like her as much. I might have to step on her ala the Giant MonthPython foot. But compare that to me wondering if Ahiru would give birth to humans, ducks, or both.

Going back to the Utena/Tutu crossover: ...DON'T GO THERE. I'll have images of Tutu as the prince, Rue as the RoseBride (or should that be Mytho? *sweatdrop*), revolutionary cars driven by old men... do you think the wind of the Car of the End of the World might tear off his beard? >D

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[info]nyonyo
2003-06-28 10:05 pm UTC (link)

Ahiru as a monkey-mouse? If she ran around running saying "chuuchuu~!" I wouldn't like her as much. I might have to step on her ala the Giant MonthPython foot.
But...but... ;_; The EVIL!

But compare that to me wondering if Ahiru would give birth to humans, ducks, or both.
An important question! The answer: it depends on how twisted Drosselmeyer is. And what he would consider to be most amusing.

Going back to the Utena/Tutu crossover: ...DON'T GO THERE. I'll have images of Tutu as the prince, Rue as the RoseBride (or should that be Mytho? *sweatdrop*), revolutionary cars driven by old men... do you think the wind of the Car of the End of the World might tear off his beard? >D

Drosselmeyer cannot be Akio, because that would be icky. Although I don't think there's anyone else for him to be. So, as Mute would have to be the rose bride for all his "lalala, I'll do whatever you say, lalalaaaa" attitude.. Drosselmeyer/Mute, the sordid love affair. See, icky.

Although... *mental image of Drosselmeyer doing the car-flip from the movie* ....NO. (He would, too.)

But it really doesn't matter, as there aren't quite enough characters in Tutu to account for the Utena cast. Image of Fakia as Saionji seems strangely accurate, though. ("The Rose Bride is MIIIINE, bitch~!" XD) But then there's still Miki, Juri, and Touga left. Lessee, the blonde Ahiru-friend (can't remember their names) as a sadly hyperactive Juri, Touga would have to be Neko-sensei ("Ii ne, BABY."), and...am at a loss for Miki. Help? XD

*dies* "Ahiru! I challenge you to a duel! If you win, you may keep the Rose Bride - but if I win, YOU MUST MARRY MEEE~!!" It works, see?!

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[info]nyahnyah
2003-06-30 10:36 am UTC (link)
The answer: it depends on how twisted Drosselmeyer is. And what he would consider to be most amusing.
At least he isn't a sci-fi fan. If he were he'd probably like hybrids best. >_> As it were, I think as a man that enjoys ballet AND conflict he'd probably just pass the human-duck curse onto the next generation. Or would he find that boring and repetitive?

Drosselmeyer/Mute, the sordid love affair. See, icky.
AAAAAAAAAAARGH. *washes brain with lyle* You should DIE for pointing that out! *buys a new, fresh, pure brain*
Okay, to avoid THAT fate, how about Mytho as Dios? And Akio could be, say, his Lust piece of heart. XD

But it really doesn't matter, as there aren't quite enough characters in Tutu to account for the Utena cast.
Who needs the whole cast? :3 But I'd agree, Fakir IS Saionji, Touga should be that scary vain boy from the second half of the series, I think disollusioned Rue would make a fab Juri, and as for Miki... he'd need a Kozue figure, too. Edel and Edel-zura? >D They ARE like twins...!

[P.Tutu is SO Utena. It is. Princesses protecting Princes or Princes protecting Princesses it gets all mixed up and confuzled.]

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am too nitpicky
[info]wingblossom
2005-10-09 02:23 am UTC (link)
Overall, I think your writing has great fluidity: I can easily picture Mythos being twirled about on Drosselmeyer's strings, even without much metaphor or imagery. It has this fairy-tale logic, where things just happen because it seems like it's natural for them to even when it isn't.

I really like these two paragraphs:

Mytho threw a look at Drosselmeyer; would you like to dance with me? Everyone else does. Drosselmeyer waved him away, no, no, I'm not just old, I'm dead, if I were up to running and jumping and cart wheeling I wouldn't have all you puppets to keep me entertained, now would I? Puppet prince shrugged, almost as if to say, your loss, but of course the shrug meant no such thing. Mytho couldn't care less either way.

and:

Perhaps it's because Drosselmeyer didn't pull on his strings, per say, more like imbued commands into his head, commands that revived old memories. Mytho's dance was based on a faded memory. The body never truly forgets what was ingrained onto it. Thus Mytho knew his steps perfectly, but without a soul to fill the dance, it was lifeless. Like his eyes.

Also, Drosselmeyer's creepiness is perfect -- more so because you can sort of picture *yourself* watching Mythos from the same lens that he is. And it adds another angle; you can't distance yourself from what's going on, because the reader is as much a part of it as anyone else.

Nitpicks:

Mytho's eyes jerked opened.

Jerked opened? Just a typo, methinks. :D

Mytho went on dancing to the tunes of Drosselmeyer 's chuckles and ramblings.

I think this weakens the piece a bit -- to have 'chuckles and ramblings' at the end seems indecisive, like you're not sure which verb you want to choose. And it also makes it seem like you're going to write more, whereas if you just pick one, it seems more concrete.

Drosselmeyer rocked back and forth on his rocking chair, content. Nothing was better than a good story, true, but sometimes physical poetry was so much more relaxing. Particularly the prince's. Fakir was lovely for his emotionally intensive movements, thus, he was someone Drosselmeyer watched when he was in the mood for a stomach-ache. (All that frowning and sweating agitated him. It made him want to throw a tomato or two at the boy. It's just a dance! Don't pull your life conflicts into it. Relax already, life is a joke. Not that he really had any right to criticize Fakir's personality seeing how he himself had created it.)

This paragraph is good, but slightly choppy in places. It's probably because the rest of it flows so smoothly. IMHO, it'd be stronger if you removed a couple of the commas and rearranged the sentences a little. I read it out loud to myself, and the abrupt break is a little jarring. I don't know why, but even one comma can distort a sentence. Maybe, "Fakir was lovely for his emotionally intensive movements, thus, he was someone Drosselmeyer watched when he was in the mood for a stomach-ache," to "Fakir was lovely for his emotionally intensive movements, thus he was someone Drosselmeyer watched when he was in the mood for a stomach-ache."

On the whole, I really liked it! And now I want to write fic for it myself. ^^;.

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[info]vikki
2007-01-22 06:52 pm UTC (link)
wow, beautiful. It's heart-wrenching in the coldness of Drosselmeyer's feelings towards Mytho. Everything he says/thinks is cutting, but Mytho doesn't know or care - he really is just a character.

well done!

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[info]usomitai
2007-01-23 10:31 pm UTC (link)
Thank you! I do think that the most interesting aspect of Mytho is that he's... not quite a person? I'm not sure he is anything more than a character even at the end of the series.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you find your way here? :D

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